You have to do it for yourself

You cannot diet for someone else. Others will benefit from it but ultimately it has to be for you. If your goal is to make someone else happy you will not succeed.

The emotional aspect

One of the biggest lessons I have learned in the last few months is you have to love yourself. I have said over and over with every pound I have lost I have gained just a little bit of self esteem back.

 I was talking with an old friend the other day and laughed when I recalled a situation more than 20 years ago that I have allowed to haunt me. I was in the eighth grade and starting to develop and this guy whom shall remain nameless "broke up" with me because I had a big butt. Number one thank God for small favors!! But it has stuck with me ever since then. I know kids are cruel and at this point I kind of feel like it was stupid to dwell on that for so long but it stuck with me.  I have never been comfortable in my skin. It didn't matter if I was a size 8 or a size 20 I just wasn't comfortable. I was "blessed" for lack of a better word with a big rack and a bubble butt. It doesn't matter how thin I get, they don't go away. I have learned lately to embrace them as an asset instead of a curse. There wouldn't be people getting breast and buttock implants if they weren't desirable. I am not sure at what point I allowed myself to base myself worth on someone else's idea of perfection. It could have been playing with Barbie dolls, watching stick thin models parade around for years or maybe in eighth grade when I allowed that stupid boy (not what I really wanted to say about him but I'm trying to be kind and keep it rated pg at worst) to convince me that I wasn't good enough.  

I have no delusion of perfection. I want to be happy with myself. To heck with what others think. I can't honestly say at this point what my goal weight is because I don't know. I have looked at pictures from years past and by my best guess I will be happy somewhere between 150 and 160 pounds. I have dieted down to 120 pounds but I look horrible and it's not sustainable. When I can look in the mirror and can say "Dang girl you look hot" then I will be happy with myself. Then I can rock my black eyeliner, tattered jeans and Rolling Stones t-shirt and know that I will be wearing a smile!

I leave you with one final thought for today........ "I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. I believe in kissing, kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day and I believe in miracles."
— Audrey Hepburn